We don't bite. At all.

This has got to be one of the most challenging topics I've ever had to blog about, if not the most difficult to rationalize; I had found myself staring at the cracks on our wall, trying to enumerate so-called tips to wooing the modern woman (Robin Scherbatsky is a prime example). What a load of bull mine will be, but anyway...

If there is one thing I can say to those guys, who have been trying to find or catch that new-age girl for months (nay, years) already, is that they need to stop, take a step back, and look at themselves in the mirror first.

Truth is, there are still A LOT of single women around, and hotter at that, thanks to the elliptical and 5-inch heels. While some are too busy to think about relationships and some just don't like it, period, there are many who do long for the "happily ever after" ending.

Google images kept giving me big boobed women for the modern women search so I'm posting this adorable working baby instead.

Unfortunately, when it comes to choosing their own "modern man," our judgments get more clouded now than ever before. When back in the olden days all we really had to worry about were our parents' approval and the guy's true ability to procreate, today we have friends, career, location, stand on political matters and pets, plus sleeping habits and diet, among other things, to compare and fight over.

To put things in perspective, no, the search for true love has not gotten any easier. Women can get as distracted as much as men these days and you can bet your bottom peso they'll milk it any way they can. Hey, you can't blame us. We get our monthly visits on top of work, what's your excuse?

I'll tell you what you need. You need to BE patient and I mean become the superhero of patience. In connection to that, you need to have the ability to figure out if you actually have a good shot at a certain girl or if she's just been messing with you the whole time.

Next, you have to be determined. If you're determined enough to meet David Finch in person at the book store, you sure as hell need to be determined enough to win our heart. (Also, consider good grooming and sharp dressing from time to time, 'kay?)

Unfortunately, the way women treat dudes is not all and the same. My plans on how I'll be entertaining you won't be similar with Kimberly's. Also, we won't like the idea of a Kimberly in your life (hypothetically speaking, of course). So don't lump us in one basket like dirty laundry. We deserve top shelf, next to your mom. And your friends, on a good day.

Hipster Disney characters. Sure, you liked this before we did. We get it.

Which brings me to my final tip: level with the woman. It takes two to tango, relationships are not a one-way thing, it's give and take, and all that jazz. Man up by treating us like a princess (not a queen, because queens are old and ruthless and they have a bad reputation in fairytales and...) with glasses and a sometimes neurotic quirky side, and save yourself from all the trouble with Kimberly.

- Soc 

I have been contemplating about this topic for a bit (read: a day) and what the hell compelled me to suggest this topic anyway (read: a week) which made me come to the conclusion that I make good sounding ideas which are hard to execute that I really hope does not translate into the real world, because that would just make me look bad at my job (read: coming up with ideas).  Anyway, since it’s here already, I might as well poke it till a semblance of sense comes out of my paragraphs.

(Warning: this post is made during a writing slump so please, bear with us. Also, I like parentheses.)

I should probably give a background first on how this topic came about. See, I have this friend (it’s honestly not me) who’s gorgeous, smart, and kind but sadly, men find it hard to approach her. So, it got me thinking, do men just find it hard to approach her or is there just really a shortage of men in the world. The latter one should not be true since I have found out from the ever reliable Wikipedia that there is an average of 1.06 men to 1 woman which should also be not true since we have to factor in ages and geographical locations, and it’s getting me too far from the point of this post.

Women to men ratio: probably not this. But, it would be great if it was like this.

For argument and for the sake of this post, let’s just say that men find it intimidating to approach her for whatever reason that goes through their head.

Men, let me tell you a secret: no matter what kind of woman you’re faced with, we like being taken care of. Not all the time but, let us feel that you do. We don’t like being ignored, though it can be a sure fire way to make a girl chase you, in some situations. But that calls for another discussion.

To make it easier, I shall put everything into a list which can be used to approach a seemingly unapproachable girl:

1. Approach. Girls do not bite.

Unless of course you’re into that.

But, don’t be intimidated by status or how a girl looks like. If we like you, we like you. If we don’t you’d probably know by the first minute.

2. Be confident. Nothing is sexier than a confident man.

But, please, don’t mistake confidence for arrogance. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than an arrogant bastard or a Jersey Shore douchebag.

3. Be a gentleman. Even though there are extreme feminists calling about equality in everything, I’m going to bet my arm that they still expect some kind of chivalry from men. They would not hesitate to call a man, a chauvinist when they fail to open the door for them.

Sexist biatch.

This is probably more hipster than dorky but, they're in love so what the hell

And also, remember, stop using the but-I’m-so-awkward-around-girls excuse. We are, too. So, just flash us that clumsy smile, and let’s be dorks together.

- Tula