Friendly Exes (?)

Ex-boyfriends are probably one of the most fun topics to talk about when I’m not talking about my ex-boyfriends. Rather than the bitterness that I may or may not have on them, it’s because those topics are better left in the past or bludgeoned until it screams for mercy. Er... I mean that they’re just better kept in the past.

Yes, right.

So, ignoring my last statement, let’s talk about having an ex-boyfriend as a current (close) friend which probably any self-respecting girl has tried to achieve at a certain point in time. Because, you know, it’s the logical thing to do if the break up was not vying to be the next screenplay for a Star Cinema movie.

 I mean, what do they talk about? They're sexing it up and you're fishing. What?

(Photo: Vanity Fair)

This idea about having your ex as a good friend is all good and nice, except that it’s usually a bad idea. He became an ex for a reason and that will hang in the air between the two of you (and of your significant others, if any) for the rest of the time that you aren’t married to other people. I don’t know if I’m alone in this, but I think there will always be lingering feelings for exes even if you’ve really moved on and it doesn’t necessarily have to be love; it can be like murderous contempt or something.

(Mind, this does not reflect on me or my relationship with my exes, it’s just to prove a point. Moving on.)

This doesn’t mean that I object to being friends with an ex, but anything beyond civil friendship baffles me and I admire people that can do that. I don’t believe that it can happen but congratulations if you can do that, though I always have a sneaking suspicion that all of it is a defense mechanism of some sort. I’d only believe it when you’re 80 (or mature or senile enough) and have worked your way to turning those lingering feelings into a quiet acknowledgement of something you both shared.

Anyone can admit that there is always an awkward air on seeing someone you valued so much. Going back to what you were before you had a relationship is not as easy as sitcoms/series have you believe. Heck, even How I Met Your Mother brought the topic of Robin being the ex of both Ted and Barney into the spotlight.  And the Robin and Ted thing was like four or five seasons ago. Don’t even get me started on shows like Gossip Girl, Melrose Place or 90210 where they have like a relationship round robin for their whole run.

Seriously, this only happens in TV.

I wouldn’t stop anyone who would want to attempt it, though. Not because I don’t believe in it doesn’t mean that it absolutely cannot happen. I have an open mind. But, if you’re my friend and you come running to me, remember that I would only give you a snort for your efforts. And probably a pack of tissues. All the alcohol would have to be provided for.

-          - Tula

And because we’ve recently found out the obvious instinctive partiality of our dear awesome readers (both ladies AND gents) toward relationship topics (the sudden climb of the number of hits at our site just brings us over the moon and back, though it’d be more awesome if we get an actual comment from you cats, but what the heck, we’re happy), allow us to delve deeper into this foolish subject we can’t help but obsess over.

Next stop: ex-boyfriends. Whoopee.

CLEARLY, I’m excited. Nothing brings me more joy than when discussing the not-so cute, often bitter past. I mean, we might as well have puppies and cotton candy right now. That’s sarcasm, in case you haven’t noticed.

Anyway, yes, the case of the ex. I’ve had my small share of that phenomenon and when I say ex, I do mean mention-his-name-to-my-face-again-and-I’ll-cut-you. Kidding (not).

Soc, I know this is how you feel. - Tula

Let it be known though that I do admire girls who can let things pass and just allow maturity to prevail when dealing with their exes, most especially, if the girl is the hurtee, not the hurter in their once happy relationship as a romantic couple. It takes a bigger person to look at the once bane of her existence straight in the face and smile at it—I mean him. So it really is amazing and what-the-hell, fantastic to sustain the bullsh*t, I mean friendship between an ex, let alone three.

This weirds us out the most. All the Jonas Brothers exes in one photo. 

What do they talk about?

I won’t declare that I don’t buy certain cases. I know several girls who show great pride in having such a special bond between their ex-boyfriends, but I guess it’s really hard to imagine it being not complicated. They say that what makes it work is that they really don’t dwell on their past, instead they build on what came after that. They also say that it really shouldn’t be hard as you once shared a true, strong connection together. It’s just a matter of forgetting (the often sad and/or cruel past), and if push comes to shove, dealing with what cannot be forgotten as simply part of life that is ever-so growing old and tired of all the drama. They also say that I look like Scarlett Johansson.

I’d like to think that in time I’ll have that ex-boyfriend-turned-friend in the future. I should learn how to “unblock” a few people on Facebook first, though. 

- Soc