How technology kinda ruined my life.

Just very recently, I finally gave in to the goading of my friends (read: Soc) about me getting a smart phone since I am the only one among my friends who’s holding on to an old phone like it’s the best thing in the world (Which I still think so. Red, you have served me well for 5 years). Don’t get me wrong, I like technology. It’s fun, convenient, and shiny, however, I don’t like being run over by it. A mobile phone, for me, is good enough when it can fulfill its basic task of letting me call and text. But, in this day and age, having a non-smartphone mobile device is something grandmother-ish. While everyone was busy being married to their phones or tablets, I was busy making faces at the world and playing with table napkins.

Me, in the near future.

So going back, I got myself this handy dandy little smart phone and I have found myself at the gates of crack-addictry and still trying my best to refuse being sucked in which is getting harder by the day. I got a bit sad the other day when my data plan expired for the month. It was a quite short lived because I thought about the money that I am spending for that data plan on top of the basic mobile plan. But, that’s just me being stingy.

In the mornings when I should be angry with myself for ruining my favourite song when I made it as my alarm tone, signals not that I should be getting my lazy ass from the bed but the time I should be checking my timeline if I missed anything groundbreaking.

Groundbreaking, aside from monumental events in the world today, but something like if Brad and Angelina finally decides to get married at last, or if Selena Gomez’s and Justin Bieber’s love story is not as publicity-fueled as it seems, or if they’re trending some kind of “empowering” keyword for One Direction again on Twitter.

A semi-accurate representation of how I find myself in the mornings. 

(Including the dog.)

Such is my life nowadays.  Gone are the days when I try to imagine that I’m in a Disney movie and think that the birds are actually singing to me and not mocking me for sleeping in too late. Also gone are the days when I can sneak in a precious 5-minute me time because I can check a client’s email from wherever I am because they expect me to because hey, they saw the posted from whatever device last night when I updated the world with whatever shenanigan I was doing at the moment. Gone, gone, gone are the philosophical questionings of the world in the bathroom (if you know what I mean) because I’m glued to my smartphone trying to figure out how the hell it works or what is the latest app or how can I over-Instagram my photos some more.

Sigh.

Yes, I can be very dramatic.

- Tula

I'm going to make this quick and simple.

If you think that technology is ruining MY life because…

-I can’t talk to my younger cousins about tumbang preso, luksong baka and taguan

-I can’t last more than a week without going on Twitter

-I can’t last a day without thinking of going on Twitter/FB

-I have to be updated on new acronyms like: FML, ROFL, IMHO, BRB, GTG, lest I’ll be judged

-I worry about things like not getting enough “Likes” or “RTs”

How Soc and I pay attention to things.

-I secret-stalk my crushes

-picture frames have been replaced by the desktop background and/or wallpaper features

-there’s the “photo or it didn’t happen” thing that I always have to deal with every time I'd do something epic or meet someone famous

-there’s no more back-masking

-I can’t hide from my boss during weekends

-I have “friends” whom I’ve never seen in person EVER

How Soc and I eat dinner nowadays. 

-I can’t imagine surviving lulls without music

-I consider playing Temple Run for 20 minutes as a workout

-I now consider the microwave oven as one of the best inventions ever—more than the calculator

-I’m comforted by virtual hugs and kisses

-I’ve never rode a bike in years

-I’m slightly responsible for putting some people out of business

-I judge people based on their profile photos

-I send greeting cards via e-mail

Then please send your replies and follow @GigilFactory with the hashtag: #techieproblems. /endsarcasm

- Soc

The Drinking Table Stereotypes

If there’s one useful thing that I was able to pick up from those nights of sitting from across the table with friends and coworkers at a bar it’s that certain stereotypes managed to emerge from the group. The fun fact about this is that these stereotypes can’t ever say otherwise, for we know the walls came down by the fourth mug. There have been a few lists about this already; but for all intents and purposes, Tula and I have decided to come up with our own, based on the copious drinking sessions we’ve personally faced, challenged, and survived through all these years. Cheers!

This signals the persona change in drinking sessions — when everybody starts loving everybody

El Capitan 

The one who usually “plans” the drinking sessions. He/she usually is the one who controls the alcohol ration and supply around the table. He/she is already friends with the waiter and/or bar manager or owner.

  

Taya

The guy/girl who gets to drink most of the booze, as arbitrated by El Capitan. This persona is very popular if you’re still in college. If you’re already over that phase, expect it during birthday, bachelor/bachelorette or going-away parties, where in the taya is usually the host.

“Me first”

That’s the opening line of this stereotype. The one who starts the discussion and everyone else takes it from there.

Impact Player

The one who shows up at halftime, later in the night, the one who “makes habol” because he/she had to finish work. This type has a knack of catching up with the rest by consuming large amounts of liquor in such a short amount of time.

How we feel by the time the 8th mug rolls in.

Side-sweep

The person who eats most of the food or “pulutan,” by doing some quiet side-sweeping action of his/her arms across the table, reaching for the bowl, while everyone else is busy talking and drinking.

Spotter

This guy/girl’s primary purpose inside the bar is to “spot” a potentially single, available guy/girl of his/her liking. The eyes are always shifty and searching for the next prey, I mean prospect.

The Newbie

There’s always that friend’s “interesting” friend who ends up joining the group. He/she sometimes takes the “taya” title on the table. Otherwise, be wary of the newbie. He/she is most critical of the group when he/she’s quiet—could be taking down notes or something.

- Soc

From what I have learned from the drinking table is that after 4 mugs of beer, the table turns into a counselling session. Or that has been the general turnout of the drinking sessions I have gone to, and I don’t know how that reflects on me and the people I go out drinking with. Just to be clear about it, we just have a great support system so it becomes like that, okay?

This is how we probably all look like by the end of the night.

(No offensive, albeit funny, drunk people photos. And hopefully, no animals were drunk in the making of this photo.)

I’ve had my first taste of alcohol when I’ve barely perfected tying my shoelaces as a way for me to stop being too curious about that nice golden drink with a lot of bubbles.  I was 5 and I was fascinated, because by the time my mother would drag me to bed, everybody would be laughing out loud like somebody has told the greatest joke on earth and I wanted to know what it was and if it was true that the bubbles drink had something to do with it. After some amount of pestering, I was rewarded with fits of coughing and the most awful experience of having beer shoot through my nose.

Ah, those were the days. I was called the most adorable thing ever existed. That meant a lot, when you are 5 and had just expelled an alcoholic beverage in the worst way possible. Or it could also be because I got drunk and I was talking to drunk people ̶ my deduction was right after all. I feel proud.

Take that, Sherlock Holmes.

Well anyway, enough of that. As I was saying, the drinking table would inevitably turn into a bad sitcom once everybody gets their fill. I’m sure a lot of you can relate to this but let me further illustrate my point by comparing them to the high school stereotypes that we love:

The Jock

Once this person gets enough alcohol into their system, they turn into a world-series champion challenging everyone to some type of game when he gets the chance. Also, he believes himself to be quite invincible and will keep on jugging your supply of alcohol until he pukes his guts out, and then proceeds to sleep without a care in the world.

The Drama Queen

You know this girl – the one who has made Adele’s album the soundtrack of her life. When the alcohol starts to flow in her system, she begins her lament on the current relationship she has and leaves you wondering if that was still the same person she was talking about the last time you met (if you’re still sober enough).

The Nerd

In a drunken stupor, he would remember a solution to some problem he had and then proceeds to explain how he came about it using words like extrapolate and derive and other highfalutin terms that your alcohol infused mind refuses to calculate.

The Emo

Never seat this person beside the drama queen or you’d be punishing yourself with a melodrama unfolding before your eyes. They think the world is against them and starts comparing stories with how life effed them over. It’s quite funny if you like watching people getting trashed over problems, plus points when someone starts crying by the end of the night.

The Person who eats their feelings

Soc would be proud of me for my Mean Girls reference (she breathes that movie for some reason). Never really talks, just smiles and drinks and eats but, most of the time, just eats. Also, the main reason why you had to order nachos and fries when you’ve already talked about just drinking that night. To share platter of chips? No problem. Then proceeds to consume it by himself.

The person who doesn’t drink (or eat) anything

Seriously, I’ve seen people like this. They’re just… there. It’s generally okay if they’re good storytellers or is doing something to contribute to the well-being of the group (it would be nice if he would pick up the bill, too) but, I have seen people who just sit there and smile and not do anything. Like, what?

The Popular One

By the time he has stepped foot into the bar, people start greeting him and exchanging hi-fives with him. He’s mostly absent from your table because another table is waiting for him to join them.

The Douchebag

Amazing how alcohol changes people and it’s amazing how your quiet friend turns into a douchebag and gives you about 70% of the embarrassment of the night (the other 30% is courtesy of you being drunk). He hits on girls like he’s some cassanova and keeps on pestering the popular one to introduce him to this and that person then proceeds to Jersey Shore everyone in the room.

Because we've all had comfort room drinking parties before. 

I’m sure that I have been one of these in some point in my life though I’m still fervently wishing that I haven’t become the douchebag yet or will I ever become one. There are still more stereotypes that I know will pop out of my head when I finish posting this thing and I’d be too lazy to edit so, for now, this will do. I’ve already written a novella and I think it’s showing how much I’ve gone drinking.

- Tula

We don't bite. At all.

This has got to be one of the most challenging topics I've ever had to blog about, if not the most difficult to rationalize; I had found myself staring at the cracks on our wall, trying to enumerate so-called tips to wooing the modern woman (Robin Scherbatsky is a prime example). What a load of bull mine will be, but anyway...

If there is one thing I can say to those guys, who have been trying to find or catch that new-age girl for months (nay, years) already, is that they need to stop, take a step back, and look at themselves in the mirror first.

Truth is, there are still A LOT of single women around, and hotter at that, thanks to the elliptical and 5-inch heels. While some are too busy to think about relationships and some just don't like it, period, there are many who do long for the "happily ever after" ending.

Google images kept giving me big boobed women for the modern women search so I'm posting this adorable working baby instead.

Unfortunately, when it comes to choosing their own "modern man," our judgments get more clouded now than ever before. When back in the olden days all we really had to worry about were our parents' approval and the guy's true ability to procreate, today we have friends, career, location, stand on political matters and pets, plus sleeping habits and diet, among other things, to compare and fight over.

To put things in perspective, no, the search for true love has not gotten any easier. Women can get as distracted as much as men these days and you can bet your bottom peso they'll milk it any way they can. Hey, you can't blame us. We get our monthly visits on top of work, what's your excuse?

I'll tell you what you need. You need to BE patient and I mean become the superhero of patience. In connection to that, you need to have the ability to figure out if you actually have a good shot at a certain girl or if she's just been messing with you the whole time.

Next, you have to be determined. If you're determined enough to meet David Finch in person at the book store, you sure as hell need to be determined enough to win our heart. (Also, consider good grooming and sharp dressing from time to time, 'kay?)

Unfortunately, the way women treat dudes is not all and the same. My plans on how I'll be entertaining you won't be similar with Kimberly's. Also, we won't like the idea of a Kimberly in your life (hypothetically speaking, of course). So don't lump us in one basket like dirty laundry. We deserve top shelf, next to your mom. And your friends, on a good day.

Hipster Disney characters. Sure, you liked this before we did. We get it.

Which brings me to my final tip: level with the woman. It takes two to tango, relationships are not a one-way thing, it's give and take, and all that jazz. Man up by treating us like a princess (not a queen, because queens are old and ruthless and they have a bad reputation in fairytales and...) with glasses and a sometimes neurotic quirky side, and save yourself from all the trouble with Kimberly.

- Soc 

I have been contemplating about this topic for a bit (read: a day) and what the hell compelled me to suggest this topic anyway (read: a week) which made me come to the conclusion that I make good sounding ideas which are hard to execute that I really hope does not translate into the real world, because that would just make me look bad at my job (read: coming up with ideas).  Anyway, since it’s here already, I might as well poke it till a semblance of sense comes out of my paragraphs.

(Warning: this post is made during a writing slump so please, bear with us. Also, I like parentheses.)

I should probably give a background first on how this topic came about. See, I have this friend (it’s honestly not me) who’s gorgeous, smart, and kind but sadly, men find it hard to approach her. So, it got me thinking, do men just find it hard to approach her or is there just really a shortage of men in the world. The latter one should not be true since I have found out from the ever reliable Wikipedia that there is an average of 1.06 men to 1 woman which should also be not true since we have to factor in ages and geographical locations, and it’s getting me too far from the point of this post.

Women to men ratio: probably not this. But, it would be great if it was like this.

For argument and for the sake of this post, let’s just say that men find it intimidating to approach her for whatever reason that goes through their head.

Men, let me tell you a secret: no matter what kind of woman you’re faced with, we like being taken care of. Not all the time but, let us feel that you do. We don’t like being ignored, though it can be a sure fire way to make a girl chase you, in some situations. But that calls for another discussion.

To make it easier, I shall put everything into a list which can be used to approach a seemingly unapproachable girl:

1. Approach. Girls do not bite.

Unless of course you’re into that.

But, don’t be intimidated by status or how a girl looks like. If we like you, we like you. If we don’t you’d probably know by the first minute.

2. Be confident. Nothing is sexier than a confident man.

But, please, don’t mistake confidence for arrogance. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than an arrogant bastard or a Jersey Shore douchebag.

3. Be a gentleman. Even though there are extreme feminists calling about equality in everything, I’m going to bet my arm that they still expect some kind of chivalry from men. They would not hesitate to call a man, a chauvinist when they fail to open the door for them.

Sexist biatch.

This is probably more hipster than dorky but, they're in love so what the hell

And also, remember, stop using the but-I’m-so-awkward-around-girls excuse. We are, too. So, just flash us that clumsy smile, and let’s be dorks together.

- Tula

Living in Suburbia

(Based on a true story)

For years (27 to be exact) I have been developing a love-hate relationship with my living in the suburbs all my life. I can honestly say that I would have missed all the quirky, fun stuff that I got to experience in my childhood if I didn't have the roaming-Crock-Pot-ish upbringing.

 

Suburbanhood of the Travelling Crock Pot.

Why a "roaming Crock-Pot?" If you didn't know something about suburban life, it's that local gossip circulates almost as fast as a neighbor's crockpot.

From time to time, a neighbor will be at our doorstep, err, overbearingly cold gates, hoping to invite him/herself over inside the house using the stuffed cooker he/she is holding, plus deadly words like, "It's my son's birthday!" or "I miscalculated the vegetables," or "Can I borrow your extension cord?" It's the typical one-two-combo bait that you can never ever dodge.

Scumbag neighbor asks to borrow some salt, stays until after-dinner dessert. 

The vaguer the self-invitation the more you're compelled to open your door to them and before you know it, they're sitting on your couch, drinking your orange juice, looking at some family photos on the wall, judging you based on how many horse figurines you have in the living room. It just goes by so fast you don't have time to react.

 

For some reason, there's always an Edna in every subdivision.

It gets really tricky because after all that chit-chat and unwanted discussion of Mrs. de la Cruz's Bermuda grass, you're dying to get rid of your nosy neighbor and you forget about transferring the vegetables to another container, and you're debating whether or not to return the pot that afternoon or the next day or the next summer.

Lucky for us, we knew how to handle that kind of situation--we'd "return" it to our OTHER neighbor with a "thank you" note, and let our help do all the lying for us (best use for a loyal help!). It not only stopped the circulating gossip, it also managed to build our notoriety, as the idiots who forget stuff easily. Last time I checked, Crock-Pots cost around $50 to $100 a piece. How long did it take for the pot to get to the real owner? Don't know, don't care. 

Greets you with a Good Morning then asks why haven't you moved your bowels today yet? *shivers*

But don't get me wrong, I love this side of the city and would still prefer living here for a number of reasons: 1. it's ideal for walking the dogs, 2. the air is cleaner and cooler, and 3. the people you live next-door with, despite their eerie friendliness and complete knowledge of your daily routine (sometimes, including bowel movement) are still ultimately more tolerable than the obvious psychos you'll encounter in the city proper every day.

Ah yes, Manila suburbia--a place where "outpoliting" the co-residents, decorating for the Holidays, and beating the mandatory curfew are a sport. What's not to love?

-Soc 

I came from the city – the bustling, crowded, noisy city.

Not that it would make much of a difference because my parents decided to move us into the suburbs when I was 7 but, I wanted an impact for my first sentence. Moreover, Soc already claimed the forever suburban girl image already so of course, I shall take on the role of the cool city girl.

Heee! I amuse myself greatly at times.

Dancing crowd optional, until the Association decides to do some community building exercise.

Being a cool city girl who was transported from the hustle and bustle to the sweet calmness of the suburbs, let’s just say, I was somewhat taken by surprise. It was one of my earliest memories but, I remember lying at night and listening for sounds. There was no one screaming like bloody murder at 3am, there were no sounds of car alarms blaring, or cats meowing like there’s no tomorrow. In short, it was probably one of the best sleeps I ever had in my life. I was 7, I can adapt easily.

We all wish we look like this when we bike around the village.

You can say that I’ve grown to love living in the suburbs. I can bike without fearing that a truck would appear out of nowhere, I could wear white summer dresses in a Mediterranean styled mall without seeing people look at me weirdly, I can walk my dogs while I smile hello at the early morning jogger. Yes, my childhood sounds like a TV show montage and it probably was. All the more because alcohol has probably washed away my childhood memories even more and I can only remember bits and pieces of it.

I would make more comparisons but Old Manila isn’t New York so it would probably make me sound pretentious.

They sit there, eating their expensive organic salad and then, they look at you with so much judgement in their eyes.

I have yet to experience the dark side of living in the suburbs but while I already grew up here, I would still find unexplainable, weird phenomena like the pique shirted, white Capri pants wearing group of moms who hang out at the al fresco restaurants with almost the same bobbed haircut gossiping about the latest achievement of their children. I don’t mind the gossiping but the almost the same clothes and the same haircut? Was there a bulk sale at Lacoste I didn’t know about or a kind of cult of bob hair styles? How about the overly large cars that people insist on using to clog the already small roads? Or how they won’t give up wearing Crocs? Oh god, why?!

Suburgatory: Raising expectations that we have gorgeous shirtless boys washing our cars. 

Truth: We're too lazy, we have car washes for that.

The series Suburgatory probably best describes the living in well, the suburbs. One difference though is I’ve not really met a lot of people addicted to plastic surgery because they said that having botox injections is not part of it which when you think about it is kind of logical since there are no surgeries going on but ah, well.

- Tula

Going back on track: KARAOKE TIME!

And so we’re back to regular programming, if there was any of you who ever noticed that we were on hiatus to begin with. Anyway, bear with me as I try to keep myself focused with the task on hand.

Soc and I have been busy with quite a few things these past few months, running around the Metro and getting sloshed left and right, whining about the post-mid 20s life, and just questioning life like what most people our age do. So, we try to find effective means of de-stressing, and one of those is going to the karaoke.

Yep.

KARAOKE.

These lights mean heaven. (Or hell, depending on your preference.)

We have recently rekindled our love affair with this wonderful Japanese invention and we can’t get enough of it. Well, honestly, me more than her but who the hell cares at this point. We’re addicted and our poor throats have been paying dearly for it. No matter what, we forge on, and sing like there’s no tomorrow.

God bless the Japanese.

Forget about the images of karaoke that American TV shows and movies have shown, it’s really not like that. It just gets annoying when the neighbours insist on continuing their party up until 4 in the morning, and you really need to get a good night’s sleep because you have an important presentation the  next day.*Ehem* Not that I have experienced something like that and went crazy. I live in the suburbs and we have rules for that.

As I was saying, American shows have some kind of ruined the image of karaoke for a lot of people. Here in Asia, we have rooms for that ̶ complete with packaged group meals and overpriced alcohol. We don’t go harassing people with our exquisite voices; we only harass our friends with it.

Karaoke addict's wet dream.

So when Soc brought up the idea of giving our recommended karaoke songs, I was all on board with that idea but, I have a sneaking suspicion that she just wants a ready set list for when we invade the smelly rooms of our favourite place. And before I go off tangent again, here’s my 5 selection of must-sing songs in the karaoke:

Magnificoooooo-ooo-ooo-oo-o

Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody – It’s an obvious choice, isn’t it? It’s a good karaoke song, not only because it’s 6 minutes long (which makes the 5-peso token so worth it), it’s something that everybody in the room can sing. Who doesn’t want a real sing-along in the karaoke?

By the shape of her mouth, she's on the love you part already. God, I love this song.

Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You – Now, I’m not jumping on any bandwagon here, I’ve always been singing this song in the karaoke because it’s a song that just needs to be sang. It’s powerful, it’s high, it’s majestic, and it guarantees a full blown sore throat the next day. I love this song.

Don't you just love the internet? Power of Love screencaps! Woot!

Celine Dion’s Power of Love – When there’s Whitney, Celine must also be, and when speaking about powerful songs, this song can’t be left behind. It should also be sung, complete with knee bends and strong arm movements.

Ah, those were the days.

Bon Jovi’s Livin' on a Prayer – Ah, the spirit of fun, friendship, and youth. This song is meant to be sung when you’re on your 5^thbottle of beer and you begin to love everybody in the room. It’s guaranteed effective to make people reminisce about summer days and thinking of having road trips.

You can just feel the saxophone shooting out of his eyes. Rawr.

George Michael’s Careless Whisper – Before it became the soundtrack to that unfortunate sex tape, this song is a double must-sing in the karaoke. That saxophone oh, that smooth, smooth saxophone. You know that this is definitely everybody’s jam.

- Tula

Singing. It's in the Filipino blood, they say. Which worries me as I somehow feel expected to churn out talented kids regardless of circumstance or simply, musical history. As you may not know, I have none. Nor do I, in our household, practice singing with a Magic Sing mic. I do manage to be updated on the hottest karaoke numbers at the moment though, thanks to our neighbors, who are always seem compelled to celebrate birthdays, weddings, anniversaries of their friend's friend's friend via a sing-along at every given night.

Never was really a talent-talent show but, a singing contest. We loooove our singing. 

Having said that, I do enjoy the occasional trip to the videoke bar with friends. If it were up to me, I would dare not tackle Whitney, Mariah and Heart--those are reserved to be sung to myself, preferably in the bathroom--let's just say I'm at my best in my lower register.*ahem*


Don't get me wrong, I totally get it. In a room full of people, food and alcohol, these types of songs tend to bring the ecclectic group closer and before you know it, everyone's screaming the words along there with you, which really should be the purpose of karaoke sessions among friends, let alone strangers. Otherwise, there will be no High School Musical.


So here are a few tunes that I think have been a staple for purposes of celebration, breaking of the ice, or our natural tendency to break into a song every time.

You know you watched this over & over again for that cleavage.

Say A Little Prayer by Diana King - Popularized by the movie My Best Friend's Wedding. It's become an anthem at weddings, birthdays and showers by people who'd rather sing their well wishes than just say it. Better if there's actual clapping involved.

I just had to use it, you know.

We Are The Champions by Queen - This usually comes in later in the night when everyone's  already drunk and willing enough to stand up, put their arms over one another's shoulders and sway altogether as one unit. Better if someone's holding his/her fist up; best if they actually are champions at something.

More than 10 years ago and still owning your pop star's ass. 

(Wallpaper not ours, we found it over Google. Cr. to owner)

Wannabe by Spice Girls - It's been proven time and time again that whether or not you were into the whole "Girl Power" thing, when you sing this, IT IS ALL ABOUT THE WHOLE "GIRL POWER" THING.

That is not Huey Lewis, by the way.

Cruisin' by Gwyneth and Huey Lewis- Somehow, it's become a favorite among couples. It has a good melody, is easier to sing and for some reason, girls just end up holding the mic the way Gwyneth Paltrow did in the music video.

I would've put in a better photo but Google is giving me emo pictures of lonely hearts. 

Alone by Heart - Do I even have to explain myself? --that's the song asking, not me.


- Soc