We don't bite. At all.

This has got to be one of the most challenging topics I've ever had to blog about, if not the most difficult to rationalize; I had found myself staring at the cracks on our wall, trying to enumerate so-called tips to wooing the modern woman (Robin Scherbatsky is a prime example). What a load of bull mine will be, but anyway...

If there is one thing I can say to those guys, who have been trying to find or catch that new-age girl for months (nay, years) already, is that they need to stop, take a step back, and look at themselves in the mirror first.

Truth is, there are still A LOT of single women around, and hotter at that, thanks to the elliptical and 5-inch heels. While some are too busy to think about relationships and some just don't like it, period, there are many who do long for the "happily ever after" ending.

Google images kept giving me big boobed women for the modern women search so I'm posting this adorable working baby instead.

Unfortunately, when it comes to choosing their own "modern man," our judgments get more clouded now than ever before. When back in the olden days all we really had to worry about were our parents' approval and the guy's true ability to procreate, today we have friends, career, location, stand on political matters and pets, plus sleeping habits and diet, among other things, to compare and fight over.

To put things in perspective, no, the search for true love has not gotten any easier. Women can get as distracted as much as men these days and you can bet your bottom peso they'll milk it any way they can. Hey, you can't blame us. We get our monthly visits on top of work, what's your excuse?

I'll tell you what you need. You need to BE patient and I mean become the superhero of patience. In connection to that, you need to have the ability to figure out if you actually have a good shot at a certain girl or if she's just been messing with you the whole time.

Next, you have to be determined. If you're determined enough to meet David Finch in person at the book store, you sure as hell need to be determined enough to win our heart. (Also, consider good grooming and sharp dressing from time to time, 'kay?)

Unfortunately, the way women treat dudes is not all and the same. My plans on how I'll be entertaining you won't be similar with Kimberly's. Also, we won't like the idea of a Kimberly in your life (hypothetically speaking, of course). So don't lump us in one basket like dirty laundry. We deserve top shelf, next to your mom. And your friends, on a good day.

Hipster Disney characters. Sure, you liked this before we did. We get it.

Which brings me to my final tip: level with the woman. It takes two to tango, relationships are not a one-way thing, it's give and take, and all that jazz. Man up by treating us like a princess (not a queen, because queens are old and ruthless and they have a bad reputation in fairytales and...) with glasses and a sometimes neurotic quirky side, and save yourself from all the trouble with Kimberly.

- Soc 

I have been contemplating about this topic for a bit (read: a day) and what the hell compelled me to suggest this topic anyway (read: a week) which made me come to the conclusion that I make good sounding ideas which are hard to execute that I really hope does not translate into the real world, because that would just make me look bad at my job (read: coming up with ideas).  Anyway, since it’s here already, I might as well poke it till a semblance of sense comes out of my paragraphs.

(Warning: this post is made during a writing slump so please, bear with us. Also, I like parentheses.)

I should probably give a background first on how this topic came about. See, I have this friend (it’s honestly not me) who’s gorgeous, smart, and kind but sadly, men find it hard to approach her. So, it got me thinking, do men just find it hard to approach her or is there just really a shortage of men in the world. The latter one should not be true since I have found out from the ever reliable Wikipedia that there is an average of 1.06 men to 1 woman which should also be not true since we have to factor in ages and geographical locations, and it’s getting me too far from the point of this post.

Women to men ratio: probably not this. But, it would be great if it was like this.

For argument and for the sake of this post, let’s just say that men find it intimidating to approach her for whatever reason that goes through their head.

Men, let me tell you a secret: no matter what kind of woman you’re faced with, we like being taken care of. Not all the time but, let us feel that you do. We don’t like being ignored, though it can be a sure fire way to make a girl chase you, in some situations. But that calls for another discussion.

To make it easier, I shall put everything into a list which can be used to approach a seemingly unapproachable girl:

1. Approach. Girls do not bite.

Unless of course you’re into that.

But, don’t be intimidated by status or how a girl looks like. If we like you, we like you. If we don’t you’d probably know by the first minute.

2. Be confident. Nothing is sexier than a confident man.

But, please, don’t mistake confidence for arrogance. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than an arrogant bastard or a Jersey Shore douchebag.

3. Be a gentleman. Even though there are extreme feminists calling about equality in everything, I’m going to bet my arm that they still expect some kind of chivalry from men. They would not hesitate to call a man, a chauvinist when they fail to open the door for them.

Sexist biatch.

This is probably more hipster than dorky but, they're in love so what the hell

And also, remember, stop using the but-I’m-so-awkward-around-girls excuse. We are, too. So, just flash us that clumsy smile, and let’s be dorks together.

- Tula

Living in Suburbia

(Based on a true story)

For years (27 to be exact) I have been developing a love-hate relationship with my living in the suburbs all my life. I can honestly say that I would have missed all the quirky, fun stuff that I got to experience in my childhood if I didn't have the roaming-Crock-Pot-ish upbringing.

 

Suburbanhood of the Travelling Crock Pot.

Why a "roaming Crock-Pot?" If you didn't know something about suburban life, it's that local gossip circulates almost as fast as a neighbor's crockpot.

From time to time, a neighbor will be at our doorstep, err, overbearingly cold gates, hoping to invite him/herself over inside the house using the stuffed cooker he/she is holding, plus deadly words like, "It's my son's birthday!" or "I miscalculated the vegetables," or "Can I borrow your extension cord?" It's the typical one-two-combo bait that you can never ever dodge.

Scumbag neighbor asks to borrow some salt, stays until after-dinner dessert. 

The vaguer the self-invitation the more you're compelled to open your door to them and before you know it, they're sitting on your couch, drinking your orange juice, looking at some family photos on the wall, judging you based on how many horse figurines you have in the living room. It just goes by so fast you don't have time to react.

 

For some reason, there's always an Edna in every subdivision.

It gets really tricky because after all that chit-chat and unwanted discussion of Mrs. de la Cruz's Bermuda grass, you're dying to get rid of your nosy neighbor and you forget about transferring the vegetables to another container, and you're debating whether or not to return the pot that afternoon or the next day or the next summer.

Lucky for us, we knew how to handle that kind of situation--we'd "return" it to our OTHER neighbor with a "thank you" note, and let our help do all the lying for us (best use for a loyal help!). It not only stopped the circulating gossip, it also managed to build our notoriety, as the idiots who forget stuff easily. Last time I checked, Crock-Pots cost around $50 to $100 a piece. How long did it take for the pot to get to the real owner? Don't know, don't care. 

Greets you with a Good Morning then asks why haven't you moved your bowels today yet? *shivers*

But don't get me wrong, I love this side of the city and would still prefer living here for a number of reasons: 1. it's ideal for walking the dogs, 2. the air is cleaner and cooler, and 3. the people you live next-door with, despite their eerie friendliness and complete knowledge of your daily routine (sometimes, including bowel movement) are still ultimately more tolerable than the obvious psychos you'll encounter in the city proper every day.

Ah yes, Manila suburbia--a place where "outpoliting" the co-residents, decorating for the Holidays, and beating the mandatory curfew are a sport. What's not to love?

-Soc 

I came from the city – the bustling, crowded, noisy city.

Not that it would make much of a difference because my parents decided to move us into the suburbs when I was 7 but, I wanted an impact for my first sentence. Moreover, Soc already claimed the forever suburban girl image already so of course, I shall take on the role of the cool city girl.

Heee! I amuse myself greatly at times.

Dancing crowd optional, until the Association decides to do some community building exercise.

Being a cool city girl who was transported from the hustle and bustle to the sweet calmness of the suburbs, let’s just say, I was somewhat taken by surprise. It was one of my earliest memories but, I remember lying at night and listening for sounds. There was no one screaming like bloody murder at 3am, there were no sounds of car alarms blaring, or cats meowing like there’s no tomorrow. In short, it was probably one of the best sleeps I ever had in my life. I was 7, I can adapt easily.

We all wish we look like this when we bike around the village.

You can say that I’ve grown to love living in the suburbs. I can bike without fearing that a truck would appear out of nowhere, I could wear white summer dresses in a Mediterranean styled mall without seeing people look at me weirdly, I can walk my dogs while I smile hello at the early morning jogger. Yes, my childhood sounds like a TV show montage and it probably was. All the more because alcohol has probably washed away my childhood memories even more and I can only remember bits and pieces of it.

I would make more comparisons but Old Manila isn’t New York so it would probably make me sound pretentious.

They sit there, eating their expensive organic salad and then, they look at you with so much judgement in their eyes.

I have yet to experience the dark side of living in the suburbs but while I already grew up here, I would still find unexplainable, weird phenomena like the pique shirted, white Capri pants wearing group of moms who hang out at the al fresco restaurants with almost the same bobbed haircut gossiping about the latest achievement of their children. I don’t mind the gossiping but the almost the same clothes and the same haircut? Was there a bulk sale at Lacoste I didn’t know about or a kind of cult of bob hair styles? How about the overly large cars that people insist on using to clog the already small roads? Or how they won’t give up wearing Crocs? Oh god, why?!

Suburgatory: Raising expectations that we have gorgeous shirtless boys washing our cars. 

Truth: We're too lazy, we have car washes for that.

The series Suburgatory probably best describes the living in well, the suburbs. One difference though is I’ve not really met a lot of people addicted to plastic surgery because they said that having botox injections is not part of it which when you think about it is kind of logical since there are no surgeries going on but ah, well.

- Tula

Going back on track: KARAOKE TIME!

And so we’re back to regular programming, if there was any of you who ever noticed that we were on hiatus to begin with. Anyway, bear with me as I try to keep myself focused with the task on hand.

Soc and I have been busy with quite a few things these past few months, running around the Metro and getting sloshed left and right, whining about the post-mid 20s life, and just questioning life like what most people our age do. So, we try to find effective means of de-stressing, and one of those is going to the karaoke.

Yep.

KARAOKE.

These lights mean heaven. (Or hell, depending on your preference.)

We have recently rekindled our love affair with this wonderful Japanese invention and we can’t get enough of it. Well, honestly, me more than her but who the hell cares at this point. We’re addicted and our poor throats have been paying dearly for it. No matter what, we forge on, and sing like there’s no tomorrow.

God bless the Japanese.

Forget about the images of karaoke that American TV shows and movies have shown, it’s really not like that. It just gets annoying when the neighbours insist on continuing their party up until 4 in the morning, and you really need to get a good night’s sleep because you have an important presentation the  next day.*Ehem* Not that I have experienced something like that and went crazy. I live in the suburbs and we have rules for that.

As I was saying, American shows have some kind of ruined the image of karaoke for a lot of people. Here in Asia, we have rooms for that ̶ complete with packaged group meals and overpriced alcohol. We don’t go harassing people with our exquisite voices; we only harass our friends with it.

Karaoke addict's wet dream.

So when Soc brought up the idea of giving our recommended karaoke songs, I was all on board with that idea but, I have a sneaking suspicion that she just wants a ready set list for when we invade the smelly rooms of our favourite place. And before I go off tangent again, here’s my 5 selection of must-sing songs in the karaoke:

Magnificoooooo-ooo-ooo-oo-o

Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody – It’s an obvious choice, isn’t it? It’s a good karaoke song, not only because it’s 6 minutes long (which makes the 5-peso token so worth it), it’s something that everybody in the room can sing. Who doesn’t want a real sing-along in the karaoke?

By the shape of her mouth, she's on the love you part already. God, I love this song.

Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You – Now, I’m not jumping on any bandwagon here, I’ve always been singing this song in the karaoke because it’s a song that just needs to be sang. It’s powerful, it’s high, it’s majestic, and it guarantees a full blown sore throat the next day. I love this song.

Don't you just love the internet? Power of Love screencaps! Woot!

Celine Dion’s Power of Love – When there’s Whitney, Celine must also be, and when speaking about powerful songs, this song can’t be left behind. It should also be sung, complete with knee bends and strong arm movements.

Ah, those were the days.

Bon Jovi’s Livin' on a Prayer – Ah, the spirit of fun, friendship, and youth. This song is meant to be sung when you’re on your 5^thbottle of beer and you begin to love everybody in the room. It’s guaranteed effective to make people reminisce about summer days and thinking of having road trips.

You can just feel the saxophone shooting out of his eyes. Rawr.

George Michael’s Careless Whisper – Before it became the soundtrack to that unfortunate sex tape, this song is a double must-sing in the karaoke. That saxophone oh, that smooth, smooth saxophone. You know that this is definitely everybody’s jam.

- Tula

Singing. It's in the Filipino blood, they say. Which worries me as I somehow feel expected to churn out talented kids regardless of circumstance or simply, musical history. As you may not know, I have none. Nor do I, in our household, practice singing with a Magic Sing mic. I do manage to be updated on the hottest karaoke numbers at the moment though, thanks to our neighbors, who are always seem compelled to celebrate birthdays, weddings, anniversaries of their friend's friend's friend via a sing-along at every given night.

Never was really a talent-talent show but, a singing contest. We loooove our singing. 

Having said that, I do enjoy the occasional trip to the videoke bar with friends. If it were up to me, I would dare not tackle Whitney, Mariah and Heart--those are reserved to be sung to myself, preferably in the bathroom--let's just say I'm at my best in my lower register.*ahem*


Don't get me wrong, I totally get it. In a room full of people, food and alcohol, these types of songs tend to bring the ecclectic group closer and before you know it, everyone's screaming the words along there with you, which really should be the purpose of karaoke sessions among friends, let alone strangers. Otherwise, there will be no High School Musical.


So here are a few tunes that I think have been a staple for purposes of celebration, breaking of the ice, or our natural tendency to break into a song every time.

You know you watched this over & over again for that cleavage.

Say A Little Prayer by Diana King - Popularized by the movie My Best Friend's Wedding. It's become an anthem at weddings, birthdays and showers by people who'd rather sing their well wishes than just say it. Better if there's actual clapping involved.

I just had to use it, you know.

We Are The Champions by Queen - This usually comes in later in the night when everyone's  already drunk and willing enough to stand up, put their arms over one another's shoulders and sway altogether as one unit. Better if someone's holding his/her fist up; best if they actually are champions at something.

More than 10 years ago and still owning your pop star's ass. 

(Wallpaper not ours, we found it over Google. Cr. to owner)

Wannabe by Spice Girls - It's been proven time and time again that whether or not you were into the whole "Girl Power" thing, when you sing this, IT IS ALL ABOUT THE WHOLE "GIRL POWER" THING.

That is not Huey Lewis, by the way.

Cruisin' by Gwyneth and Huey Lewis- Somehow, it's become a favorite among couples. It has a good melody, is easier to sing and for some reason, girls just end up holding the mic the way Gwyneth Paltrow did in the music video.

I would've put in a better photo but Google is giving me emo pictures of lonely hearts. 

Alone by Heart - Do I even have to explain myself? --that's the song asking, not me.


- Soc