For the Love of TV

Most people who know me from way back, as in childhood-days back, would attest to my love for television shows as early as I could pronounce “Pong Pagong.“ That was in the late 80s, let’s focus on the later formative years of my life—the 90s! No matter what other people say, it’s still one of the best decades to grow up in (EVER), because of 1.) the feel-look-good bubblegum pop music, 2.) Trump cards and 3.) awesome, quality television shows, both local and international!

Because, honestly, our Filipino shows today are total crap. Same drama, same stars, same ditz and none of the crazy-campy-it’s-amazing type of shows that adults and kids alike enjoy (hint: Pandakekoks, Ora Engkantada, Palibhasa Lalake, That’s Entertainment). So here’s my Top 10 Favorite TV Local and Foreign Shows that ruled the boob during the 1990s.

Abangan ang Susunod na Kabanata

I think there was a character here who never removes the plastic from her furniture. That alone, is gold.

I really wish they bring this back, since networks today are so into remakes now. They’re obviously running out of original and brilliant ideas, so might as well.

Anyway, this sometimes controversial sitcom is the most awesome thing that’d ever happened to the people who starred in this political satire of a Monday-night fix. It starred Noel Trinidad and Tessie Tomas, who played the rich political couple, while Sammy Lagmay and Winnie Cordero played the "poorita" couple. Add them to even-then veteran comic geniuses Nova Villa, Roderick Paulate, even Joji Isla, and you’ve got one effortlessly hilarious cast who all have fantastic comedic timing to go with the witty plotlines and then some. I Wiki-d the show and guess what, the show actually won a Bronze Medal at the 1992 New York Festival. I am not kidding. Bring this show back, ABS-CBN, and bring Philippine sitcoms back to life for good.

MacGyver

I diffused this shit with my paper clip. I can also make a house from it with also just a paper clip.

MacGyver is the dopiest shit. If there was a secret-agent convention, he’d usually do all the talks and speeches. If there was a secret-agent awarding ceremony, he’d win the most coveted title. Oh, did you know that MacGyver's first name is actually Angus? Now you do.

Proof that MacGyver is the dopiest shit:

Magandang Gabi… Bayan (Halloween episode)

Imagine: alone in the room, watching MGB. Kabayang Noli De Castro on the screen—he’s walking in a cemetery. It’s foggy. It’s dark. He’s talking about a black lady, which is ten times more frightening than a white lady.

Actually, I didn’t have to imagine that one, because being the little daredevil that I was, I caught probably the most watched and feared episode of MGB every year (next would be their New Year’s episode) once, when I was around 12, while both of my siblings went to our cousin’s house to watch the very same thing. It’s a tradition in the family, or at least to us kids—to scare-shit ourselves with stories of ghosts, malignos, aswangs, demonyos and Kabayang Noli in black.

Mission: Impossible

80s TV shows have the dopiest OBBs ever.

This one was a rerun. I’d always, always look forward to the beginning part of the show the most, not only because of the iconic theme music, but because it’s the part when they’d reveal their covert mission and the medium would “self-destruct in five seconds” and that’s always fun to watch. I also loved the part when the second lead (his name escapes me) next to Peter Graves would go in disguise and he’d have to wear a mask, the removal of the fake face excited me and it’s no wonder I sensed a connection with Leatherface in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. JUST KIDDING.

A Dog of Flanders

You'd know that you're a classic when you have a plate for sale in Amazon.

This was the very first cartoon TV series that was able to successfully reduce me to tears in its final episode. I literally cried like a baby. If you were unable to see this Filipino-"dubbed" Japanese anime series inspired by a 19^th-century English novel that aired on ABS-CBN back in the 90s, I feel sorry for you. (Patrasche! Nello!)

T.G.I.S

There was a time when you had to wait one whole season before the show OTP kisses. Good times.

Joaquin (or Wax) and Peachy (or Peach), that’s all that mattered.

Where’s Waldo?

Bigger size so you can try to find Waldo.

It’s the red-white-striped guy and he wants to be found. We loved looking for him even if it would take us a whole ‘lot of time figuring out where not to look.

The Uncanny X-Men

Yep, Jubilee's still not in the picture.

Because Jubilee’s not given that much credit while Rogue’s voice is better reserved for bedroom convos. Also, Gambit is hotter than Cyclops and Wolverine combined, or at least in this cartoon series. The animated show aired every Friday night after TMNT, Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Power Rangers. ABS-CBN, bring the fun back in our Friday nights, please?

The Amazing Stories

No caption for this one because I don't think I watched it. Sorry guise. - Tula

Steven Spielberg, bitches. You don’t know this epic show that was aired on RPN9 (because the network giants wouldn’t dare touch them cult shows)? Every episode is a different story. And no story is ordinary. I’ve always believed that if Spielberg would consider video-logging his thoughts, ideas and sentiments in the past 3-4 decades, he should skip that idea and just refer to his Amazing Stories collection. Happy stuff.

Ang TV

The fact that we were able to find the logo on the internet is awesome already.

Altogether—1, 2, 3…. Nge!  

--Soc

Cheap Thrills (aka what I do with less than Php 100)

This is the blog post that is refusing to be written. And it’s a list. Lists and I usually go great together but, somehow this one doesn’t want to cooperate with me.

Sigh.

You win some and then, the others just laugh mockingly at your face while you beg at their feet.

Well anyway, I’ve been wandering around the supermarket for the past few weeks so I had the great idea to ask Soc that we write about our favourite cheap thrills (this article is my fault, yes). I think it must’ve been just the cravings I had while walking through the grocery hungry.  Trust me when I say that you shouldn’t do that. It’s either you’d end up buying more than you need or, walk out crying and feeling sorry for the Nutella jars and Ruffles bags that didn’t come home with you.

Living in Manila means everything is a bit expensive so finding anything good that is below Php 50 (roughly $1) is considered a treasure. I’ve been out of college for many years already so the Php 15 ($.35) mango shakes and Php 20 ($.47) siomai sets are not included in my list. But, they are a must try if you find yourself anywhere near the University Belt (the ones in Asturias St. near UST are especially good).

So, here the list, in no particular order, of my best cheap finds:

#1: KFC Gravy

KFC gravy in the Philippines costs about Php 15 for the large one (take out), and it’s free refill if you’re dining in.

It says gravy there, in case you think it's unicorn blood.

Give me gourmet gravy and KFC gravy and I would most definitely choose KFC’s. I think it’s made up of rainbows and baby smiles and glitters, but I think it’d be funnier if there’s an urban legend about it having tears of virgins or something. Buuuu—t then again, I think it’s most probably because of all the MSG in it that makes it taste so good. Sorry McD and Jollibee but I don’t think you’d compare to this, you have your charms however, KFC had me at first grease.

#2 Shin Ramyun

Comes in packs of 5 and costs about Php 145 ($3.37) but can also be bought individually at Php 30 ($.70).

 Don't be fooled by the gourmet Shin Ramyun picture, 

it takes too much work to make it look like that.

I don’t care about the music and the dramas and the what-have-you’s but I think this might be the best Korean import ever. It’s spicy, unhealthy and above all, delicious. According to some internet recipe I chanced upon, eating it plain as a noodle soup is not enough, so put in some vegetables (I just put in Chinese cabbage), egg, and some meat (er... I don’t exactly know what. Should I be cooking some meat beforehand? This instant noodle thing is becoming more tedious) to experience a gourmet Shin Ramyun.

Side story: The influx of anything Korean here in Manila is no joke, I sometimes become confused because there are times when I find myself the only Filipino in a coffee shop.

I’d have to admit that I love Nissin Seafood Cup – the original Japanese one – better than this one but that costs Php 130 ($3.02) so, boohoo.

Gratuitous picture of my original love.

#3 Waffle Time

A waffle stick for less than Php 20 ($.47).

You'll not be able to see fully stocked carts at whatever time.

They sell like hot pancakes - er, waffles.

I seriously love this thing. Get a hot dog (or some sweet syrup) stick in a waffle and BAM – happiness on a stick! I don’t really know what else to say but it’s good to eat while walking around the mall. I’m getting my fill (actually, just giving in to a craving) and at the same time, instant calorie burn.

#4 Daiso

Everything for Php 88 ($2.04) and below and they’re from Japan!

I don't have a nice Daiso picture, so here's a GIF representation of me when I enter the store.

I don’t know how to choose between my favourites in this place so, I’ll just put the store in the list. This is not a store, I meant to say paradise. Who wouldn’t consider this a paradise? Awesome keychain-stuff-thing-that-probably-shoots-lasers? Check! Awesome organizer-that-can-transform-to-probably-Megatron? Check! Awesome bathroom stuff shaped like bunnies? Check! Transparent Umbrellas (everybody needs one)? Check! I’m waiting for the Instant Boobies to be available here because only the Japanese could think about making instant boobies. God bless you, Daiso.

#5 ... and finally, I don’t really have a finally. Er... right. I’ve been thinking about it but nothing comes into mind that can be as awesome as Daiso or KFC gravy. Or free pizza. Free pizzas are always great. Speaking of pizzas, 3M pizza almost came close to making the list but I don’t see any more places that sell it.

It's like a mythical mermaid, it doesn't look much but it'll seduce your ass before you can even beg for mercy. 

3M pizza probably is the cheapest pizza I’ve ever bought. From way back, I think it only costs around Php 35 ($.81) for a personal size (10”) pizza. It’s made of chewy (read: tough) bread dough crust thing, tomato sauce that suspiciously tastes like catsup, and pepperoni (or ham, I still don’t know what it is) that is probably made from god knows what meat, but anybody who has eaten it will agree that it is lovely just the way it is.

So there, I hope you got something useful or hopefully, understood something. Most of the stuff can be found in your friendly, local SM mall (except for Daiso – they can only be found in Ayala malls) so they are easy to find. And, if you ever come across a 3M stall, please tell me, it’s been so long since I had that. 

Game of Thrones Megapost

HBO's Game of Thrones: A sick review

Disclaimer: Because I'm a royal idiot that since last year, despite the persistence from my older brother and older sister, who'd both bugged me to read what I would say their favorite novel series at the moment—George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire, I still have NOT managed to open its pages and am only about to start (soon) with the first book, A Game of Thrones. So if you may, allow me to share my comments based solely on the first season of the now hit HBO TV series Game of Thrones.


That's not to say I didn't love all the reactions that this cable fantasy drama has roused from all its rabid followers (readers and non-readers) and critics all throughout the airing of Season 1. This adaptation depicts the story the finest way possible, and it has let its entertaining characters run the show (as they should be more than the excellent cinematography). It had an amazing predominantly Brit cast that was able to successfully expose man's most colorful traits: stupidity, ruthlessness, douchebaggery, melancholia and a whole lot of sex drive in all their Middle-earthy glory.

Yes, what's not to love about seeing what everyone believed to be the show's main protagonist make one shady decision after another, only to find out he actually gets ganged up on and then beheaded in the second to the last episode. Nice. Well at least he died with honor, right?

Heads, lots of heads. Time and time again, HBO comes out with something doubly brutal, doubly provocative, and thereby doubly entertaining. That doesn't mean some of these scenes could've been left out if it weren't for the gore-and-whore factor. They are very much significant in telling the tale that without it, the account would not only lack the added seemingly raw atmosphere, but it would lose all of the author George R. R. Martin's essence in the narrative.

Unlike some others, there wasn't any cliché romance angle in GOT. Sure, there's a prince, but alas, he's nowhere near charming. (Quite the opposite, actually.) There was, however, a conflicted husband-wife relationship, but saved for the truly touching "moon of my life," "my sun and stars" terms of endearment, it wouldn't pass for an Aragorn-Arwen ver. 2.0 loveteam. And not that there's anything wrong with either, in fact, GOT's Daenerys-Khal Drogo projects the somewhat other side of the "forbidden love" tragedy, ending beautifully bittersweet, nonetheless.

Also, there's that incestuous love affair but let’s just leave that alone.

If you ever wondered when and how douchebags started to rule the world, the show pretty much answered it. Not that the male-dominated cast portrayed truly worthless asses. For instance, this Viserys fellow from the House Targaryen. Behind his cruel treatment towards his own sister Daenerys—sacrificing her to the Dothraki people so he could have the throne in his family's possession again, he was a man who's only driven to bring the glory back to his parent’s name and his and nothing more.

Let’s also include King Robert Baratheon, the pot-bellied ruler of Westeros—he loved them girls, he loved them booze. If you ran a continent and had a group of slimy, evil-plotting so-called advisers surrounding you, the least that you could do for yourself is to drink and get busy in the bedroom during your spare time.

Now what did doucheyness and stupidity have in common? They both got owned by Death eventually.

Finally, there's the ‘emo’ wall-watching kid. A bastard + sensitive, soul-searching nature + freezing cold weather = a babe magnet. No, not in the story, I meant me.

I give you emo faraway looks. Bitches love emo faraways looks.

To cut things short, if a small-screen chronicle has made you one shaken, distraught ninny by the time the story has been completely told, you know you've met one quality TV fixture. (For instance, I was laughing hysterically like a crazy person when the “fake” protagonist Ned Stark died, to the point that I had to literally talk myself out of it.) No dragging parts, no nonsense, none of that. The countdown to the next season continues.

________________________________

We are reviewing HBO’s Game of Thrones aka that BAMF-iest BAMF of a show. HBO, really, is a gift that keeps on giving.

Hear that? That’s me fangirling. This is me, basically every episode.

I can be the fat one. Soc can take the thinner, less cute one.

Dear lord, save the fangirls.

Now, I don’t know how this would go because, I am very much just the casual fan of the show. I don’t think I can even compare to those who really know the show. Honestly, I didn’t even know about the books until somebody (read: wiki) pointed it out to me.

Game of Thrones is based on best-selling author’s George R. R. Martin series of books, A Song of Fire and Ice which Game of Thrones is the first blah blah blah – I think you’d all know all the details already so I should save my time pretending to be someone who knows (which I admitted I was not already). Besides, I have Soc to fill you guys out on that.

I have to get real here for a second. While all of that is nice and all, I have to admit that I really liked this series for the bouncing boobs and dangling dongs, not to mention a steady amount of butt exposure here and there. Really, there wasn’t an episode that there weren’t some naked person traipsing around.

No, I don’t think I am a pervert – far from it – but I do appreciate the view. Except for that part where some old dude ran dong swinging while Bran was talking to Tonks.

She will forever be Tonks.

I am now part-wolf, thanks to Lupin.

You know who rules? Tyrion Lannister.

Not only does he get to bitch slap future king (and resident whiny b*tch asshole) Joffrey, he also gets laid for what seems to be like every other minute. Oh, did I mention that he is a dwarf? What he lacks in height, he makes up in cunning. Famous line: a mind needs a book, like a sword needs a whetstone. You, ser, are a very sexy man.

Speaking of sexiness, that Jamie Lannister is off the charts. Well, except for that twincest thing. Incest is always a turn off. No thanks for killing the sexy, blondie. 

Awkward backhug for you because I don't think it's appropriate to post the sex scene.

So, we shift our interests to the Stark boys instead.

Ah, the Starks. If Westeros had a version of emo, they’d be it. They live in the cold North, dark looks, dark eyes, always broody; they’re basically programmed to be like that. Please see Jon Snow for reference. I think it’s because their father is Ned Stark, who is played by Sean Bean, whose every character he plays, dies. They were just asking for it.

And before I end this thing awkwardly, I have to mention the BAMF-iest BAMF of the BAMF-iest BAMF show who rules more than Tyrion: Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen. She went from a princess to a banished princess to a hostage princess to reluctant queen to savage queen to kick ass dragon queen. I eat up shizz like that. Plus, I’m a sucker for their “sun and stars” and “moon of my life” love story, it’s heartbreaking.

So that’s it. It still ended up looking like a sexy appreciation post and I regret nothing. Except for you, Jamie Lannister. 

I’m going to torture myself till next year and refuse to read the books because I don’t want to ruin my watching experience just yet.